Abused Wives: Called to Suffer? - Association of Biblical Counselors
The Bible has something to say about the way we treat people and as If you are a victim of an abusive relationship, it is not sinful to tell, it is. How does a relationship deteriorate to the point of emotional abuse? Somewhere along the way there was a failure to obey God's commands regarding. in Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3, Peter zeros in where the relationships are not mutual Next, Peter explains when we should endure abusive treatment. receive email updates, timely articles, and special offers from BibleStudyTools. com.
The Bible teaches a clear social order — the husband, an adult male, is the head of the wife, an adult female and children are under the authority of their parents Ephesians 5: And for all you feminists out there the practice of a husband exercising his spiritual authority over his wife in these ways does not infantilize her or make her equal with her children. God has granted a wife and mother more rights than he has her children. She has sexual rights to her husbands body and she is given the position of manager of the home and of the children which are sacred and honored roles.
She of course exercises these positions under the authority of her husband but by no means does the Bible make wives and children equals with another.
So when we throw out the straw-man argument that a husband exercising control over his wife infantilizes her we come to the real heart of the issue. In other words, its not about women be treated as children but its about women be treated as women.
Why God Wants You to STAY in an Abusive Relationship
Feminists want women treated as men. A wife and mother should only go around her husband who is her spiritual authority in the gravest of circumstances. If a husband violates the Exodus This teaches us that if a woman finds out her husband is involved in some criminal or otherwise wicked activity that endangers the life of her family she has every right to go to the civil authorities to protect her life and the life of her children.
Also if a wife finds out that her husband has been sexually abusing one of her children in violation of the Leviticus When husbands commit such heinous acts they invalidate their ownership and headship over their wives and children allowing their wives and children to be freed from them.
What recourse does a wife have in such situations? But perhaps he has a problem with anger and flying off the handle and saying hurtful things. Maybe he has a problem with bitterness and taking that out on the family in various emotional or verbal ways. Maybe he is hyper critical toward his wife and children and never uplifts them.
Top 12 Bible Verses About Abusive Relationships
Maybe he even abuses his authority and gets off on power kicks and trying to humiliate his wife or children by various unreasonable demands. Maybe he isolates his family not for their protection but to project his power over them. There could be a myriad of ways that a husband either verbally or emotionally abuses his wife and children or he simply abuses his power to meet his own ego needs. I also want to stop here for a second and make a very important point on this subject of abuse.
Often times we center these discussions of domestic abuse on husbands and fathers but we forget that wives and moms can and do physically, verbally and emotionally abuse their husbands and children as well. Do wives or moms sometimes engage in hypercritical behavior toward their husbands or children?
You bet they do. Do some wives or moms even punch, shove or engage in other forms of physical abuse toward their husbands or children? Do some wives play emotional games with their husbands and insult their manliness or sexual ability? Do some women push their husbands away sexually which is a form of emotional abuse toward men? Absolutely there are many women who engage in these behaviors.
Also children sometimes abuse their parents in various ways. Do children steal money from their parents? Do children despise and curse their parents? Do some children strike their parents? This happens all the time in our day and age. As I mentioned at the introduction of this article our modern culture has an attitude that we should never endure any kind of abuse from anyone whether it be someone who is our equal and especially from someone who is our authority.
We are told to confront the person and then flee the relationship if the abuser does not repent and change their ways. But when we read the Scriptures we see a very different view of how we should respond to abuse: God is not excusing the actions of the abusers. But God is saying when we are on the receiving end of various kinds of abuse and we take it patiently that this is acceptable with God.Abusive Christian Relationships
We often talk on this blog about how God likes to image or model things. Man was created to image God and thereby bring him glory I Corinthians When it comes to this matter of suffering abuse — we, both men and women, actually model Christ when we suffer abuse from others taking it patiently as he did.
And that is why God wants you to stay in an abusive relationship. Now again we must look at this passage in light of the entirety of the Scriptures. I have already shown that God does not expect us to stay and endure physical abuse that could risk serious injury or death from Exodus There were certain areas Jesus would not go into during his ministry because he knew the Jews there sought to kill him John 7: Although Paul suffered great persecutions he also sought to avoid them at times II Corinthians They were fleeing the threat of serious bodily injury or in most cases death.
So what this means on a practical level is this. As a wife or as a child there are going to be days when your husband or your father may act in the flesh and not in the spirit. He may say hurtful things. He may raise his voice for what appears to be no reason at all. He may act sinfully toward you by being verbally or emotionally abusive. But his wrong actions do not justify wrong actions on your part.
Not only should you never return insult for insult or repay any type of verbal or emotional abuse but you must also never forget your subordinate place as either the wife or the child.
It is not your place to rebuke your husband or our father for emotional or verbal abuses. Now does that mean that a wife or child can never express grievances they have with their husband or father? In the book of Job we read: We as husbands must realize that if we have truly wronged those under us God allows them to bring their grievances to us.
If we do not act justly toward those under us it is God who will rise up against us. That is why God warns husbands that if they mistreat their wives he will not hear their prayers I Peter 3: When it comes to expressing grievances we must realize this can abused as well.
Remember that God tells wives in I Peter 3: The same goes for children. Far too often in our culture we make children feel completely comfortable confronting their parents with accusations of unfair treatment on a regular basis.
Wives and children also need to be reminded of something on a regular basis. Just because you feel you have been mistreated does not mean you actually have been mistreated. Sometimes your feelings can blind you to reality that is going on. You need to step back and look objectively at what has occurred to see if what actually happened was in fact fair treatment that was warranted because of your behavior.
But now we come to the issue of husbands, fathers and mothers who might suffer abuse at the hands of those God has placed under their spiritual authority.
Should authority figures react to abuse from their subordinates in the same way that their subordinates should react to abuse from them?
Should they simply endure and take patiently all forms of abuse from their subordinates as long as they are not being physically abused or having their life threatened? To answer these questions we must first understand that all authorities God has instituted have not only a right but also a responsibility to discipline those under their authority.
Church leaders have a right and responsibility to discipline those within their assemblies, civil authorities have a right and responsibility to discipline those within their local, state or national jurisdictions and husbands and parents have a right and responsibility to discipline those in their home.
In the case of the family if a husband or parent allows all mistreatment of themselves by their wife or children to go unpunished then they would be violating the spiritual duty God has given them to rebuke and chasten those under their authority Proverbs Yes these actions are an abuse toward him and mistreatment of him.
They are hurtful and unkind.
- Abused Wives: Called to Suffer?
- Abusive Relationships
But for the husband or father in this situation they must remember that this is not about their feelings of hurt after being mistreated by their wife or child. It is about their solemn responsibility as the head of their home to discipline their family members.
That is why husbands and fathers must always realize that true Biblical discipline should never be an act of revenge for some incurred abuse, but rather it is an act of love to discipline the other and perhaps cause them to repent and change their ways. As human authorities we cannot read or control the thoughts and feelings of those who are our subordinates.
We can only hold our subordinates accountable for their words and actions, not their thoughts and feelings. So we may see that our wife or child does the right thing after being disciplined but they still seem to have an attitude of bitterness toward us.
Top 12 Bible Verses About Abusive Relationships | 572233.info
No husband wants to be despised by his wife and no father or mother wants to be despised by their child. But at these times we must enter in prayer for our wives and children knowing that we can only seek to correct the outward actions as human authorities and only God can correct the heart. If you as a husband or father live to always feel liked and loved by your wife or children then you will not discipline them as God has called you to and you will fail to be the husband and father God wants you to be.
Not being liked at times is part of the job description gentlemen. What if my spouse hurls insults at me on a daily basis? What if my spouse is hyper critical toward me on a daily basis? What if my spouse is bipolar or has some other mental illness and refuses to get professional help? What if my spouse has some type of addiction? What if my husband abuses his power and gets off on using his power to make me do ridiculous things?
What if my husband is a selfish lover and never asks me what I want in our sex life? David fled King Saul when he was violent toward him. The angel of the Lord warned Joseph to flee to Egypt with Jesus because Herod was trying to kill him. Paul escaped from those who sought to stone him. We must help people to get safe and stay safe when they are in abusive relationships. This is not only good for her and her children, it is good for her abusive partner.
If you are not experienced in developing a safety plan and assessing for lethality often women are more at risk when they leave an abusive partnerrefer or consult with someone who is knowledgeable in this area Proverbs It is good to expose the abuser.
Secrets are deadly, especially when there is abuse in a home. Bringing the deeds of darkness to light is the only way to get help for both the victim and the abuser. If you are working with a couple and notice that the woman defers to her husband, regularly looks to him before she answers, blames herself for all their conflicts, speak with them separately. It is good not to allow someone to continue to sin against you.
It is not only good for the abused person to stop being a victim, it is good for the abuser to stop being a victimizer. God says what we sow, we reap Galatians 6: God has put civil authorities in place to protect victims of abuse. We should encourage victims to do likewise. It is good to wait and see the fruits of repentance before initiating reconciliation. Repeated sin separates people. Although we are called to unconditional forgiveness, the bible does not teach unconditional relationship with everyone nor unconditional reconciliation with a person who continues to mistreat us.
Although Joseph forgave his brothers, he did not initiate a reconciliation of the relationships until he saw that they had a heart change. Biblical repentance is not simply feeling sorry 2 Corinthians 7: Repentance requires a change in direction. We have sometimes valued the sanctity of marriage over the emotional, physical, and spiritual safety of the individuals in it.
The apostle Paul encourages us to distance ourselves from other believers who are sinning and refuse correction. See 1 Corinthians 5: