Enneagram type 1 and 7 relationship stages

enneagram type 1 and 7 relationship stages

Articles by Peter O'Hanrahan · Love in Three Centers · Relationship Tips for the Nine Types · Emotional Habits . Having access to one's own strength is a definite stage in growing up, for then one . I married at twenty and had four children in seven years. . When I read about personality type 2, I twitched somewhat. The Enneagram maps nine personality types, or ego structures, and the For example, here is a sample of the stages of health for a type seven, which is my type. . in our relationships: we get along better with those with similar stacks. Save Yourself (the World will take Care of Itself) November 2, of Enneagram Type Seven. Career Talents, Values & Interests for Enneagram Type Sevens .. Director (stage, motion picture, TV). •. Film/TV camera . in the relationship. This will open in a new window. Type 7 in relationship with Type: 1.

Avoidance of painful feelings, difficulty accepting naturally occurring limits, tendency to avoid emotional commitment, and self-referencing to own interests and ideas. Giving and caring nature, strong relationship focus, generosity, and the shared optimism and quest for happiness Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship. Commit to the relationship while asserting boundaries.

Allow in feelings and concerns. In turn, the Protector often resists the influence and may react to feeling contained or manipulated with more confrontation and anger. Feeling rejected and devalued, the Giver may withdraw or burst out in anger and emotion. This all can result in a deep rift in the relationship and repeated cycles of uncontained reactivity leading to destruction of the relationship.

Failure to focus on and express own needs, habit of altering to please, desire for attention and approval, intrusiveness, and potentially inadvertent emotionally manipulative behavior designed to soften and modify Protectors. What to Appreciate in Protectors. Power and strength, assertiveness, encouragement and support of desires, zest for life, directness, and protectiveness. Practice holding ground, expressing self directly, and claiming own needs.

Work at accepting, not changing, the Protector. Develop the separate or independent self. Become aware of and moderate intrusiveness and emotionality that the Protector experiences as controlling.

Genuine care, helpfulness and willingness to give, sensitivity regarding feelings and relationships, and positive active energy. Develop sensitivity to feelings and allow in own vulnerabilities. Manage energy expression and boundaries.

Type 2, the Giver, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers and Mediators get along well together because they both are sensitive, pleasing, helpful, and accommodating. But conflict arises when Givers become overly helpful and intrusive in an effort to get Mediators to set priorities, take initiatives, and say what they need even though Givers have great difficulty themselves with experiencing what they need.

When this pattern persists, the relationship can deteriorate and even dissolve. Steadiness, patience, genuine care, acceptance of life, empathy, and the tendency to counter active energy with a slower pace and relaxed attitude.

Notice and moderate emotions, pace, amount of advice. Develop and express own separate and independent self. Work at personal priorities and needs and encourage the Mediator to do likewise. Genuine care, helpfulness, empathy, sensitivity regarding feelings, liveliness, and positive active energy.

Work on own priorities, personal boundaries, and needs and encourage the Giver to do likewise. Take responsibility for own part in conflict. Be willing to confront intrusion and over giving. They can live parallel yet supportive lives with each taking on the tasks necessary to function and attain goals. They may even become competitive, experience one another as obstacles in the path of attainment and success, and feel insufficiently recognized.

A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can result when this occurs. Then each can get frustrated, impatient, angry, and distance himself or herself from each other, leading to alienation and distant co-existence or dissolution of the relationship. Inattention to feelings and relationship issues, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for too much recognition, and difficulty slowing pace. What to Appreciate in Other Performers. Notice pace and moderate pace and allow in the receptive force.

Encourage expression of feelings in each other associated with the development of the receptive force. Create time for non-work related activities and simply the relationship. Recognize that love comes from being, not doing. Performers wanting approval try harder, yet often still disappoint the Romantic who pursues the ideal relationship.

This pattern can result in a sustained gulf between them and even lead to dissolution of the relationship. Idealism, deep feelings, sensitivity to others, creative disposition, and quest for authenticity and depth.

Allow self to experience depth of true feelings and more receptive force. Pay attention to and support the relationship.

Attention going to what is missing rather than what is present, imbalance regarding feeling versus doing preoccupation with feelings and sometimes inattention to doingdesire for more attention and special treatment, and tendency to become self-centered. Support for action, sustained effort, optimism, practicality, goal focus, and competence. Stay active and present even when feeling deficient. Balance the human feeling side of endeavors with action.

Acknowledge own sense of wanting more attention and depth. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 5, the Observer Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Observers support each other in work projects and shared activities. As neither type habitually attends to feelings, they are unlikely to resolve the situation through dialogue and expression of personal feelings. They may become alienated and lonely leading eventually to termination the relationship.

Pressure to move ahead, focus mainly on tasks and goals, impatience with analysis, shared difficulty in expressing personal feelings, and tendency to cut corners. Thoughtful analysis, thinking before doing, dispassion and relative calm under pressure, and undemanding quality. Allow for periods of inactivity and reflection while encouraging the Observer to stay engaged.

Work on shared difficulty in paying attention to feelings. Respect boundaries and different work styles. Notice and moderate the fast go ahead energy and pace. Can-do attitude, accomplishment orientation, competence, engagement in life tasks, showing care through doing and facilitating goals, and enthusiasm. Practice staying engaged and connected.

Encourage Performer to moderate pace and activity level.

enneagram type 1 and 7 relationship stages

Work on shared difficulty paying attention to feelings. Declare when alone time is needed. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 6, the Loyal Skeptic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts When sharing a common purpose or goal, Performers and Loyal Skeptics can complement each other well with an action orientation balanced by thoughtful downside analysis.

When Performers push ahead, somewhat blind to potential hazards and what can go wrong, Loyal Skeptics can react with caution and contrary thinking about pitfalls and worst case scenarios. A cycle of escalating conflict can take place with the Performer seeing this as putting up obstacles to progress and success, which evokes impatience and a push forward into action. The Loyal Skeptic then can feel unheard and discounted, which increases his or her doubt and mistrust.

This can spiral into a web of angry allegations and eventually estrangement. Loyalty, warmth, healthy skepticism and questioning, ability to see the bigger picture, and sensitivity. Develop respect for pitfalls and downside of endeavors. Practice expressing own true feelings. Notice and moderate fast pace and allow in receptive force. Optimism, caring through doing, sustained focus on goals, positive go-ahead energy, and support for achievements.

Practice trusting in plausible positive actions. Be clear about own position and feelings. Pay attention to and express positives. Reduce tendency to either defer or challenge. Since both types avoid painful feelings and negatives, difficulties can reach crisis proportions before they are faced. This cycle of blame creates pain and anger in both.

If the difficulties are not faced, alienation can take place and the relationship can dissolve. Shared optimism and go-getter energy, mental quickness and inventiveness, positive possibility orientation, flexibility, and the playful adventuresome spirit.

Allow in painful feelings and seeming negatives and encouraging the Epicure to do likewise. Practice slowing the fast pace and allow in receptive force. Develop patience by noticing the tendency toward impatience and releasing from it.

Positive active energy, accomplishment and solution orientation, disciplined goal focus, practicality, and caring through doing. Allow in painful feelings and seeming negatives, encourage the Performer to do likewise. Come more into the present moment and away from future planning. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 8, the Protector Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Protectors can join together in pursuit of shared goals with vigor and determination.

However, control and competition struggles can emerge unbuffered by softer feelings. A cycle of escalating conflict can ensue with the Protector picking up on the changes of position on the part of the shape-shifting Performer, leading to more provocation of the all-or-nothing style of confrontation.

Hurtful fights, withdrawal, and disruption of the relationship may ensue leading to termination the relationship. Strait-forwardness, big life energy, support for goals, action orientation, courage of convictions, and strength of purpose.

Welcome negative feedback and challenge. Pay attention to own true feelings. Encourage the Protector to express his or her softer more vulnerable side. Go-ahead energy, goal-directedness, achievement orientation, flexibility, enthusiasm, and caring through doing. Recognize Performer for positive contributions and encourage the expression of true feelings. Allow in own softer feelings and receptive force.

Relationship Type 1 with Type 7 — The Enneagram Institute

In turn, Performers help to mobilize Mediators into action. Getting frustrated and impatient, the Performer may pressure the Mediator to make decisions. Feeling discounted and controlled, the Mediator can become anxious, stubborn and resistive. This then may escalate into angry exchanges and debilitating, prolonged stand-offs that threaten or may even dissolve the relationship. Preoccupation with success and recognition, fast pace, inattention to feelings, self-focus, and desire to maintain a good image.

Steadiness, ability to defer, adaptability, empathy, genuine support and caring, and ability to set slower pace and provide a counterbalance to active energy. Notice and express own true feelings. Practice receptivity — really listening. Ability to focus on goals and solutions both for self and other, joy in doing, can-do attitude, sense of hope, and competence.

Insist on being heard.

How to Use the Enneagram of Personality for Personal Growth

Encourage Performer to moderate pace and listen. Concentrate on what is wanted and important, not on what is not wanted and inessential.

Then, they may feel disappointed in each other or themselves and feel that something important is lacking. A push-pull can take place between them when what is absent and longed for seems better or more ideal than what is present and fulfilling. A cycle of escalating conflict can arise in, which they compete for understanding, acknowledgement, support, and attention. Moodiness, anger over disappointments, and loss of steadiness may ensue. When this push-pull cycle repeats often enough the relationship can destabilizes and dissolve.

enneagram type 1 and 7 relationship stages

Tendency toward self-preoccupation, desire to be special and unique, focusing on what is missing rather than what is present, and push-pull swings of emotion. What to Appreciate in Other Romantics. Intensity, depth of feeling and reflection, idealism, the romantic and aesthetic flair, empathy for suffering, and authenticity. Seek to understand rather than be understood. Practice staying steady and present, especially in the midst of strong emotion. Appreciate the ordinary as well as the extraordinary.

Focus on what is present rather than what is missing. In general, however, Romantics want more and Observers want less in relationship. Romantics can experience Observers as emotionally unavailable, overly intellectual, withholding, and controlling of time and energy, while Observers can experience Romantics as too emotional, demanding, intrusive, and difficult to satisfy. A cycle of escalating conflict can occur with the Romantic becoming more demanding and self-focused and the Observer more retracted and detached from feeling.

In fact, it offers a way for you to observe your personality or ego mechanisms closely. This is a very difficult thing to do without a lifetime of practicing mindfulness.

This post is about how to use the Enneagram for personal growth, based on my experience with it. How the Enneagram works Before you figure out your type, you want a basic understanding of how the Enneagram works. The Enneagram is a structure; a system. It is depicted diagrammatically as a circle, with arrows pointing in all directions. The Enneagram maps nine personality types, or ego structures, and the types are interconnected in various ways.

We each have a dominant type, established early on in life. One of the top Enneagram experts David Daniels says its a combination. The nine Enneagram types nicknames: Reformer — I do everything the right way Two: Helper — I must help others Three: Romantic — I am unique Five: Thinker — I need to understand everything Six: Skeptic — the world is a dangerous place Seven: Enthusiast — I am happy and open to new things Eight: Peacemaker — I am at peace In addition to our primary type, we all also have a dominant wing, which can only be one of two types: For example, type nine can be type nines with an eight wing, or type nines with a one wing.

The wing flavors the type.

enneagram type 1 and 7 relationship stages

Further, each type as an integration type — a type whose healthier characteristics they resemble once they have learned to manage the unhealthier aspects of their own type. It is just for background. Additional theories within the main theory Within the main Enneagram theory, there are several additional theories. The one I will focus on in this post is the centers of intelligence theory.

Ones feel that Sevens are scattered and tend to fool around too much, over-extending resources and overbooking themselves and promising too much to too many people. Ones also often feel that Sevens are unfocused and scattered simply to annoy them and to get back at them passive-aggressively, without seeming to be hostile or petty themselves.

On the other hand, Sevens tend to see lower functioning Ones as too prissy and perfectionistic, and ultimately, as someone who needs to be kicked in the pants to loosen them up a bit. Conflicts between these two types also often focus on organizational and financial matters, with Ones feeling that Sevens are profligate and wasteful while Sevens feel Ones are too tight-fisted and have no vision or pizzazz.

Sevens eventually tire of the One's continual criticism and dissatisfaction with them.

Pursuing other options in the relationship becomes more and more attractive since Sevens deeply resist feeling trapped or being in situations that continually produce unhappiness.

Unfortunately, low functioning Ones continually contribute to this. If matters continue to deteriorate, Ones will lose respect for Sevens who become increasingly pushy and demanding, with a calloused, vulgar tone.