Breaking the Pattern of Painful, Unhealthy Relationships
In my practice, I see many people who time and again change relationships without ever changing the partner. Their new partner may have a. Do you have a type? A pattern of partners that maybe you didn't even realize you had? A friend of mine will only go out with tall, slightly-muscular guys with. In order to determine the set of manipulations that will produce a specific pattern, it is necessary to compare the sequence provided with the results obtained by.
To begin the process of exploring your relationship patterns, take out a sheet of blank paper and divide it up into at least three columns more than that if there are more important relationships you would like to reflect upon. Place the name of each important past partner at the top of each column on your paper.
9 Questions to Identify Relationship Patterns
Read through the following nine questions and answer each question as it relates to each past relationship. When you are finished look across the rows and begin to identify common themes or patterns. Also notice what is different, how you have changed, or how your current relationship looks in comparison to relationships from the past. When you become more aware of any common themes or patterns, you can become more alert to its recurrence in the present moment.
This awareness allows you greater opportunities to make new and better choices as you move forward, if you so choose.
Recognize that no matter what your patterns have been, nothing is set in stone. You have the opportunity to translate this self-knowledge into creating the type of relationship that you value in this present moment.
Notice if you have met most of your past partners at work, at school, or through mutual friends. If you are currently single, noticing where you have met your past partners can give you a sense of the general environment that has proven most conducive to meeting your past partners. Or maybe you met your past partners at bars or clubs, and those relationships tended to be chaotic or problematic.
The idea is simply to notice your patterns and decide if you would like to begin to build new ones. This might involve noticing who initiated contact, who showed interest in exploring a relationship, etc.
When you begin to notice your own tendencies — perhaps as more aggressive or more passive — you can begin to make decisions about how you would like to continue or alter that pattern in the future.
What qualities stood out to you when you first met?
What qualities do you think you may have chosen consciously or otherwise to overlook? The things that we tend to pick up on and notice about other people usually say a great deal about ourselves, if only we will pay attention.
Notice any common themes or patterns that emerge regarding these first impressions. Did they generally turn out to be somewhat accurate as you got to know the person better? Our initial attraction to another person says a great deal about ourselves as well. Do you find yourself generally attracted to physical qualities, personality traits, or common factors that you share?
As you reflect upon what first attracted you to your past partners, take a moment to notice how this quality manifests itself or not within you. Do you tend to be attracted to others who have strengths that you do not believe you have yourself? Or do you find yourself attracted to others that remind you of yourself in some way?
Breaking The Pattern of Unhealthy Relationships 1. At the time the concept of self-love was foreign to me.
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I was looking for love in outside places, wanting others to validate that yes, I could be loved. When I started giving myself what I was craving, I gained more confidence, got clearer on what I wanted, and started treating myself with respect.
Pay attention to your internal dialogue about yourself. Really embody how you want to feel right now. We all picked up beliefs from well-intentioned people around us while growing up, and they form most of our internal dialogue.
Some of these beliefs might serve us, but some might be quite detrimental. Take an inventory of the top negative beliefs that you have on repeat in your mind. I am good enough, and happiness is my birthright. Next, visualize what being good enough means to you.
How does it make you feel? Have a clear image. How does a person who is good enough act? Act as that person now, and aim to do this consistently.
Look for the lesson in everything so that you can heal and move on. Once the lesson is learned we can break the pattern. Know what you want. What is it you want? What qualities are you looking for?
How do you want to be treated? Want to know what the trick is to actually get it? Be all of those things.