Should I break off my long-distance relationship? | Life and style | The Guardian
I remember ending my relationship of four years over FaceTime and you break up with your long-distance partner is only the beginning. All three of my significant relationships have involved long distance in some way. we immediately made plans to end the distance as soon as possible Tell me who the fuck this Dan guy is, and why is he writing on your. 7 Signs You Should Probably End Your Long Distance Relationship He was funny, charming and seemed to tick many of my boxes.
I feel as if I would be making a huge sacrifice and taking a massive step backwards if I were to move there. I am happy with my lifestyle, have a job I love, friends and family close by and a wonderful home.
I love my boyfriend very much and cannot contemplate being with anyone else, but I am reluctant to give up what I have to live somewhere very isolated that offers me few opportunities.
Every time I spend more than a few days where he lives, I begin to feel stifled and depressed.
27 Signs Your Long Distance Love is Ending …
My boyfriend is also unwilling to entertain the possibility of coming to live here because he has a secure, well-paid job where he is. The language barrier is also a problem for him. We have looked into moving together to a different city in the country where he lives, but each time I suggest an alternative solution he seems unwilling to consider it and cites his job and the convenience of living close to work and family as a reason not to move.
Should I just count my blessings or admit we have no future and try to find someone closer to home?
What I think you want is permission for me to say: It is OK to leave. When I am really struggling with emotional situations, I look at the practicalities. Of course you can carry on as you are, indefinitely. But in terms of living together, unless there is a sudden and committed change of heart, one of you will massively compromise and the next stage of your relationship will start on a bedrock of resentment.
Not a good idea. All of these irrational fantasies are unhelpful. Make Communication Optional A lot of long distance couples create rules or expectations that they should have X number of calls or that they need to talk every night at a certain time.
You can even find some articles online recommending this sort of behavior. You talk to each other when you want to, not because you have to.
And if that means going days without communicating, then so be it. People get busy, after all. Suspenders just wants to play Candy Crush.
When you force communication, two things can happen. Welcome to every shitty marriage ever.
This half-assed communication often creates more problems than it solves. Like, if your partner seems more interested in his tax returns than catching up with you, chances are you should just hang up and try again tomorrow.
There is such a thing as overexposure. The second problem that can happen from forcing communication is that one or both people can begin to resent feeling obligated to the other person all of the time. The best way to go is to make all communication optional.
Both of you can opt out at any time. The trick is to not take these opt outs personally when they happen — after all, your partner is not your slave. If your partner spontaneously feels as though she only wants to talk a few times a week instead of a few times a day, that is both the cause AND the effect of her feeling more distant. And easier said than done. Especially when plane flights are involved.
And for there to be hope, there must be some possibility that you two will one day be together and achieve your Happily Ever After TM. Without that shared vision of Happily Ever After, everything else will quickly begin to feel meaningless. Remember, love is not enough.
5 Signs You Need to End Your Long-Distance Relationship
You both need to have life visions that are aligned, shared values and mutual interests. In my second relationship, my girlfriend took a job working in Africa. Meanwhile, I toiled away in the US with no money trying to get my first internet business off the ground.
All hope for making it work was removed from the equation and we soon broke up. My current girlfriend is Brazilian. We began dating while I was living there in I left after a few months and we kept in touch. But we had it because we both knew it was necessary if we were going to continue. Six months later, I made the commitment to move back down to Brazil and stay there with her until we could figure other plans out.
Long distance relationships can only work if both partners put their money where their genitals are. OK, that sounded weird, but what I mean is that you have to make the logistical, life-rearranging commitment to one another for it to have any chance of working.
Is it worth it? This is the question I get most often from readers.