Land of the Lost - PopMatters
Land of the Lost is a – TV series relating the adventures of the Marshall family The The series ends without showing the Marshalls' ultimate fate, though there are some ambiguous suggestions of it. . relationship vague but describes Ta and Sa as being more akin to Cha-Ka's elder siblings rather than parents). End Facebook Pixel Code --> Chaka's story help the men to appreciate his draws you into a tale of a relationship that's dying a labored death (\"Don't go wasting your breath on it\"). Land of the Lost - Marshall, Will and Holly, on a routine expedition. He sort of ended up in the Land of the Lost like the Marshalls, except he fell A: Chaka was the little monkey boy who befriended the Marshalls in the Land of the Lost.
Apparently none of them anticipates the onslaught of sex-and-race jokes the furry "little manly bastard" will afford. For the rest of us, however, the road ahead is all too plain. On one level, this lack is antic and even, for a minute, intriguing. They're transported to the titular land via Rick's "tachyon amplifier," a device that lets them travel sideways in time.
On crash-landing in a desert, the travelers find themselves surrounded by a chaotic collection of icons and junk, from a Viking ship to a London phone booth, the Statue of Liberty to a Buddha, a Kodak booth to an ice cream truck. Tilted and broken, the objects sprout from the sand as if in a Dali painting, or, as Rick determines, more practically, "like a cosmic lost and found.
The promise of this randomness, its set-up for whacko plot turns and upsets, is squandered. Instead, the film delivers a series of banalities, jokes you see coming a mile away and more jokes that are desperately unfunny. It's almost like the Olmec culture of Mesoamerica.
Reminds me of the Prudential building. I'll bet somebody's growing weed in here. Just like at Devil's Canyon. Marshall, the meter can't be far. Finally, something cool, huh? You guys have seen that before, too, I take it, huh? Hey, maybe this is where our ancient ancestors hosted the Latin Grammys.
Just picture Santana hauling this sucker home. I wouldn't touch that, all right? That is so dumb and childish. Will, will you please be quiet? I can really feel it in my forearms. Yeah, usually you have to pay for something like this. Holly, you should sit on this. What is it, Chaka? What did you say? What is he saying? It's the same thing over and over. Are you saying "chorizo tacos"? Don't play around, because I am super hungry.
Well, I'm afraid we'll never know. Oh, shit, it's not chorizo tacos. Will you stop that? You are freaking me out! They're just like zombies. That's how zombies get you. We're all gonna die. I'm gonna take at least one of these bastards with me, even if he has to choke to death on my skull! What, do you want some, too, do you? What are you guys doing?
What in the hell? Wait, stand down, Holly. Hang on, I think we're safe! They don't seem to be able to make it through the entrance. Thank God for that. That one keeps peering into my soul. Well, this is just fantastic. We're gonna just stand in here and suffocate in this tiny, little huge thingie? Wow, that is an efficient use of space.
It's like Snoopy's doghouse.
Land of the Lost
Let's stomp its head in. Do not fear me. I am Enik the Altrusian. Thank Vindok you've come to my aid, Rick Marshall. Even in the farthest reaches of the universe, we have seen your Matt Lauer video. I am a prisoner in this land of the lost. Only you can help me escape. The fate of the universe depends on you. That's very flattering, Enik, but I think you've found the wrong guy. I have summoned you here specifically to help me stop an evil madman who has already conquered my world and now plans to conquer yours.
His name is the Zarn. I am the Zarn! Heed my warning or be destroyed! The Zarn became obsessed with using the power of these crystals to conquer the universe. If he is not stopped, he will open a doorway to your world and lead his army of Sleestak on a rampage across time and space.
He must be stopped. I think together you and I can figure this out. You mustn't touch the crystals! The wrong manipulation of the crystals could turn time and space inside out. What do you need from us? The Zarn lacks only one thing to enact his evil plan. A device to amplify tachyons and unleash the full power of the crystals. Well, Marshall's created a device that isolates tachyon interference. Yeah, I did that. With tachyon particles focused along the proper temporal vector a stable passageway can be opened Opened to any point in the space Rick Marshall, I knew instantly you could help me.
You are a truly advanced intellect. I don't know how you manage amongst these others. I don't know how I do, either. You have this tachyon amplifier? I lost it on the way, and I don't know where. It could be lost in time. I detect it nearby. I cannot precisely pinpoint its location. Leave it to us. If it's out there, we'll find it. Little rule I live by, "Never trust a dude in a tunic.
It's never led me astray. All right, come on. Enik, are you well enough to travel? My place is here in the pylon. I must protect the crystals.
If you wish to return home, these crystals are the doorway. Your device is the key. Find it before the Zarn does. Bring it to me and rescue us all. All right, everyone, gather around!
Marshall, did you just make that? Yeah, I'm a bit of a miniatures enthusiast. Yeah, well, I see some obvious scaling issues, but I think it's pretty damn good. All right, we are here. As you can see, desert, forest. What's this look like?
Land of the Lost: 10 Things I Hated, 5 I Didn't
That's where we're living. Now, I will tether Will to this hot air balloon right here. And it will be fitted with a crude tachyon reflector-array that I fashioned out of a thermal blanket and a cell phone charger.
I don't remember ever volunteering for that. Holly, you and I will follow Will's directions as he searches for the telltale ping of the missing and still presumably operational tachyon meter.
I've taken care of that. During the course of my professional career, I've done extensive research with reptiles and various birds of prey, of which dinosaurs are.
They have a very acute sense of smell. And now while I've gathered this strictly for genetic research to be used upon our return, I think it would prove wise to use this now. We are going to cover our How'd you get that? Well, while you were sleeping, I'm out gathering research. This was to be used for genetic engineering, and I was going to write a report on kidney function, but now it'll just be camouflage.
We'll all blend in. So we will cover ourselves I'm just trying to figure this out. So you've been gathering urine. That means that you stood under a dino dong with a bucket. If you want to be technical and reduce it to its basest element, yes, I was.
How'd that work out for you? Are you honestly asking me? It's a little bit like fly fishing. Just out there in the night air. You get a big catch. So we'll cover our bodies in urine, and then we'll be virtually undetectable to all dinosaurs. Should have thought of this a long time ago.
Make sure to ingest some. Get that in the bloodstream. It's not that bad. Just starting to burn in my eyes a little bit. Did not plan for that. It gets up in the nostrils, too. You do not want that. That's early morning stuff. Maybe a second splash will reduce some of the effects. Immediately made it worse.
Where's my laser pointer? We will probably have to be doing Yeah, fine, let's forget my model and let's follow the monkey. Are we there yet? You find this funny, Chaka? This is the damn Bataan Death March out here. This must be the main entry point into this world.
It's like a cosmic lost and found. Wow, look at all this kick-ass shit to steal. This is like the world's greatest mall. Yeah, Will, it's just like a mall. The only thing it's missing is a food court!
Look how they move! Where are all these chupacabras going to? I'll tell you where they're going to. The tachyon meter can't be far. Get away from there! Stop pecking on my raft! There's your food court. I'm gonna go pony up and get Chaka a cone.Land of the Lost
No, there's a reason why those dinosaurs hang out there. These large predators are extremely territorial. Virtually nothing will distract them from each other. What do you know? This is one of those situations where dumping piss on your head's a bad idea. Lead your master to safety! You're a little asshole, Chaka! Try running in a serpentine pattern! He's incapable of rapid course correction! Son of a tit! Hey, Marshall, you ever get tired of being wrong?
Get on your horse, Rick Marshall. They're working as a pair. I hope you're taping this! I don't want to die in a Hummer! Set the F-ing catapult!
No, no, no, no! Take her that way! How the hell do you set a catapult? I'm coming in hot! Put your backs into it. It's a canister of refrigerant. Look at all the people! And it feels good. But what about finding a way home and validation for your life's work? You're just gonna give all that up just to lie here? No, of course not. Lying here is just Phase One of the plan. It's Phase Two that gets me really excited.
It involves adjusting the angle of my recline and putting this hand halfway down my pants. Deceptively simple, yet elegant. I tried, I failed, and you know what? Once again, it's my own damned vault. That's really freaking stupid, man. You know, actually, I can't even believe I'm hearing this. Any scientist in his right mind would give his First year at Cambridge, we used to e-mail your little appearance with Matt Lauer around for a laugh.
I mean, as YouTube Hall of Fame moments goes, it was Lauer versus Marshall, and then that monkey pissing in his own face.
But I wasn't laughing, because I was fascinated. I saw a man who was willing to swim dangerous waters for the sake of his need to know. I took that to heart, Dr. I committed myself to your theories, and then I got tossed out of Cambridge for it. For my theories, you threw your future away? Yeah, that's what everyone told me. But I didn't believe it, not till now. Have you seen this monkey video?
Yeah, I've seen it about a dozen times. God bless the Internet. Let's work on our mission statement. What's wrong, little guy? Yeah, tell me about it. This obviously stays between me and you, but I'm coming up on a six-year dry spell. It's a beautiful existence. They're carefree and nomadic, and they live where the food is. I moved tres times just to be closer to a Ruby Tuesday's. Though they're ugly, they make up for it with nice personalities.
Not bad, little dude. Yeah, and they bring him all the apples he can Yeah, you get the idea. I'm not translating that. I thought you gave up. I gave up on giving up. Then I had a change of heart. I tried too long and hard to think of something to say to you guys, and, well, I realized there wasn't anything to say. But maybe, just maybe, there's something I could sing.
No, it's all right. Yeah, that was fine. Yeah, apology accepted, dude. You guys are being so generous. I really appreciate it.
I think the healing has begun. Well, I'm feeling weak. Here's how I end it. A little arpeggio, nothing fancy. I'm really kind of sleepy. You had a bug on you, but it's gone now. It's a new day. Yes, we've had a setback.
Yes, it is tempting to stay in this world and die, but that's not how the new Marshall rolls. Not by a damn sight. This isn't "hands down the pants" Marshall. Enik's counting on us. The whole world's counting on us. If we have any hope of returning home, we need to take back that tachyon meter, and take it back hard. That means climbing, hours of arduous climbing up sheer cliffs.
Not tomorrow, not in a few hours, but right now. Let's move out, you pansies. This is not a race, okay? Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch Again!
Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch Right, let's do the whole combination facing away from the mirror From the top, A-five, six, seven, eight! Pterodactyl eggs are incubating all over the caldera.
And there's your shitty boom box. Across a sea of thin volcanic glass. Okay, Will, what you're gonna want to do is evenly distribute your weight, while at the same time, keeping an eye out for the eggs. I know you're faking. Maybe I need to listen to the words of a group of young kids trying to make it onstage. God, I hope I get it. I hope I get it.
Marshall, you got it. Do me a favor. Just keep an eye on the mother, okay? You mustn't change the surface temperature of the eggs. Even a drop of sweat could activate the hatching process. I really need this job Please, God, I need this job I've got to get this job! All right, let me see the boys The whole group, ready A-five, six, seven, eight!
Why are they hatching? It must be like a lullaby. I hope I get it How many people does he need? How many people does he People, we are going home! I'm gonna miss this place that proves I was right. That is delicious and refreshing! Sweet and sour, like Chinese food. Yeah, it brings a joyful lightness to the heart and soul. No, I'm sorry, it's not "joyful lightness. And the Shadow Hags will rise from the graves and And hold you in an icy embrace.
And it'll feel like your bowel's being pierced by a ghost serpent. Well, that can't be right. No, that can't be right. Okay, he says it's not ghost serpent. It's much closer to "zombie dick. I need you to be honest with me, okay? That's not an answer, Chaka. Seriously, by law, you have to tell me if you're a police officer. An alternate universe version of the Marshalls who wear clothing that "our" Marshalls lost upon entry into the Land of the Lost, and who did not suffer the loss of their mother appear in "Split Personality".
It is discovered in the last first-season episode  that the Marshalls were their own counterbalance; their death in the Land of the Lost in that episode is what causes the time doorway that drew them there in the first place to open. He lives in the caves near where the river goes underground, obsessively mining the rich veins of light crystals there. His only companion is a cannon named "Sarah" with which he drives away the occasional group of Sleestak attackers using home-made gunpowder; he reports that Sleestak "taste a whole lot like lobster.
But then again, not like lobster, if you know what I mean. The Marshalls encounter him when they attempt to ride the river out of the Land in the episode " Downstream ", but he ultimately returns to his cave rather than face the dinosaurs in the jungle outside.
Apparently, Collie is turned to stone by Medusa see Native Inhabitants section belowappearing in her garden during the third-season episode "Medusa". Collie was played by Walker Edmistonthe same actor who later played Enik the Altrusian. The original script for "Downstream" called for him to have a rifle, but concerns over young viewers being inspired to play with firearms resulted in its substitution with a cannon.
Rani[ edit ] "Rani" Erica Hagenthough she never actually stated, is likely an adult version of Holly from an unspecified point in the future. In "Elsewhen" she arrives through an open time doorway in Enik's cave to give aid to Holly after she runs off and leaves her family in one of the lower caverns. Rani appears to be in her early to mids, with shoulder-length blonde hair and wears a simple yet elegant gown made from a pale blue fabric.
Around her neck, she wears a pendant with a large blue crystal set into it with smaller yellow crystals framing it.
She offers three identical pendants to Holly which "work like walkie-talkies" and will allow her to communicate with other wearers over long distance. She has a scar on the inside of her right arm which she received "while helping her brother out of a difficult situation".
She convinces Holly that her family sees her as "the baby of the family" and are therefore overprotective of her and that she needs to help them any way she can. She also confesses with great sadness that "they won't always be there".
Rani also tells her that in order to help them she must overcome her fear of heights by looking at the earth. Holly finally realizes who she is after she receives a fresh scar identical to Rani's while fighting the Sleestak "god" in order to buy time for her father to haul an injured Will up and out of the pit.
She also claims that "Rani" was her secret name for herself that no one else knew about. Rani says that she is proof that her family can escape the Land one day and disappears through the open doorway.
When the Marshalls first arrive, they discover a stone pillar in the jungle where Koenig had written "Beware of Sleestak" with chalk. The Marshalls only learn much later who had been responsible for this warning, when they discovered Koenig's journal.
Koenig claims to have dubbed the Sleestak thus in honor of Major Joshua Sleestak. Koenig claims in his journal to have taught the Pakuni a few English words.
Koenig met his death when he followed Potts' path into the Lost City. Koenig went into the third entrance, "where the pillars end", which eventually led through a narrow passageway into the "Devil's Cauldron". This was a lava chamber, with a narrow ledge, where he became trapped when the lava level rose, reviving the Sleestak. He preferred to await death in the lava chamber, rather than facing the Sleestak who had gathered outside the chamber to catch him.
The Marshalls find Koenig's skeleton in the chamber and narrowly escape a similar fate. As shown in the episode "Hurricane", he becomes briefly trapped in the Land of the Lost when Will, tinkering with the crystal matrix table in a Pylon located high on a mountain, causes a time doorway to open high above the ground.
Jackson's glider was re-entering Earth's atmosphere over Ecuadorreturning from a routine transit between Phoenix Port and Space Station 5.
His glider's tail is suddenly severed, and the next thing he knows he is hanging from a tree by his parachute. With the help of the Marshalls, Jackson soon manages to return via the same time doorway, but the Marshalls cannot follow since Earth's end of the time doorway is 15 miles above the ground and there is only one parachute.
However, in the original script Jackson makes an offhand remark about Texas being its own country prompting a suspicious Rick to compare the currency in his wallet with Jackson's.
He discovers that not only is Jackson from the future but from an alternate timeline, where Texas was not part of the United States and oil not gold is the standard. William Blandings[ edit ] Blandings Laurie Main is a mysterious figure who appears to the Marshalls as a pudgy, balding man in his late 40s with a British accent.
He claims to be a "repairman" for the sun although probably just the Sun pylon and carries an umbrella and a valise with him. Although apparently human, Blandings displays considerable—nearly clairvoyant—knowledge about both the Marshalls and the Land of the Lost and the implements he carries with him are anything but ordinary. His umbrella acts something like an air conditioner keeping himself and Uncle Jack cool during the sweltering heat of increasing solar flare activity. Much like the pylons, his valise appears extradimensional in nature and from it Blandings can produce anything he wants.
He also carries an amulet which produces a forcefield which he uses to repel the Sleestak.
Land of the Lost: 10 Things I Hated, 5 I Didn't
Although a formidable being, Blandings offers hints that he was sent by and actually serves a higher power. He is an opportunistic barbarian who lies, steals, threatens, and bullies to get what he wants. How and when he came to the Land of the Lost, or where exactly in time and space he comes from, is never revealed. He diverts an underground river into the Sleestak egg caves as a means of exacting tribute from them. Pakuni[ edit ] Pakuni singular: Paku, though this usage is not consistently obeyed are a species of small ape-like humanoids, ground-dwelling and bipedal, but not fully upright in posture.
They are primarily herbivores, though they do occasionally eat small animals an iguana -like lizard in the episode "Stone Soup", for example. They know how to create fire using flints and manufacture simple tools such as the sharpened sticks they use as defensive weapons. Pakuni display significant skill with representational art and have superstitious rituals that usually include chanting but they do not appear to understand music.
They live in small family groups that construct strong bamboo enclosures as shelters. The family groups are territorial but they are quite capable of forming alliances and friendships with neighbors when resources are plentiful and they understand the concept of trade. Young Pakuni undergo a rite of adulthood in which they must steal the egg of a large predatory dinosaur to prove their worth. In the first episode the Marshalls rescue him from "Grumpy" the Tyrannosaurus and splinted Cha-Ka's broken leg.
Subsequently, Cha-Ka forms a close friendship with the family and with Holly in particular, helping them whenever possible and occasionally visits the Marshalls in their cave in High Bluff.