How to End a Codependent Relationship: 15 Steps (with Pictures)
Recently, I asked a client this question: "What is it that stops you from getting what you want out of a relationship?" Her answer was: "It's too. Codependent individuals can get out of their unhealthy relationships and adapt healthier behavior patterns; here's how to do it. How to End a Codependent Relationship. A codependent relationship can manifest in many ways: you may feed into your partner's alcoholism or be a people.
However, once the relationship moves from helping to being codependent it becomes unhealthy and highly dysfunctional for both parties. When a relationship is codependent there is often unhealthy clinginess, excessive dependency on each other for fulfillment, and often one or both parties have no autonomy or self-sufficiency.
The pattern that starts out as helping the other person evolves into enabling the other person in some way.
Overcoming Codependency: Reclaiming Yourself in Relationships
Because the codependent is always there to pick up the pieces their partner can continue with unhealthy patterns of immaturity, irresponsibility, under achievement and often addiction without directly suffering the natural consequences of that behavior. Codependents are the caretakers in the relationship. Initially they start out trying to help their partner and be supportive.
At first this may have felt rewarding and left the codependent feeling needed in the relationship. The codependent ultimately becomes responsible for the relationship as a whole.
The codependent finds themselves feeling overwhelmed, helpless and trapped unable to break the cycle of codependency, resulting in dysfunction and unhappiness in the relationship. As this behavior pattern becomes engrained codependents may find themselves repeating this behavior in other relationships and friendships. This behavioral pattern maybe something that has evolved over time starting in one relationship and then was repeating in future relationships or it may be something that was learned from others as a result of growing up in or living in a dysfunctional environment for a period of time.
How do you know if you are in a codependent relationship? Everyone experiences codependent characteristics at different times in their life. When you find that this pattern is consistently a way you relate to others in your relationships and you are repeating the pattern from relationship to relationship, you may be codependent. If you feel you are in a relationship where you have lost your sense of self and ability to exist independent of your partner you may have fallen into a codependent pattern.
You tend to love people that you can pity and rescue. You feel responsible for the actions of others. You do more than your share in the relationship to keep the peace.
You are afraid of being abandoned or alone. You need approval from others to gain your own self-worth. You have difficulty adjusting to change. You have difficulty making decisions and often doubt yourself. You are reluctant to trust others. Your moods are controlled by the thoughts and feelings of those around you. Codependency is often seen in people with borderline personality disorder BPDalthough this does not mean all people with codependency issues also meet the criteria for a diagnosis of BPD.
You quietly take on extra responsibilities around the house or in parenting your children because your partner is always under the influence. You risk your own financial future by loaning money to your partner to cover debts incurred from substance abuse.
- How to Get Out of a Codependent Relationship
- How to Fix an Addicted and Codependent Relationship
- Steps to Breaking the Pattern of Codependency
Addiction impairs judgement and critical thinking skills. This makes it very difficult for someone with a substance use disorder to see that he or she needs help. When you go out of your way to prevent your partner from experiencing the consequences of substance abuse, you make it less likely that he or she will acknowledge that a problem exists. Loving someone with a substance use disorder can also cause your codependent tendencies to spiral out of control.
This creates a vicious cycle that traps both of you in a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship. Healing from Codependency The good news is that codependency is a learned behavior, which means it can be unlearned. If you love your partner and want to keep the relationship, you need to heal yourself first and foremost.
Some healthy steps to healing your relationship from codependency include: Start being honest with yourself and your partner. Doing things that we do not want to do not only wastes our time and energy, but it also brings on resentments.
Learn to Break the Cycle of Codependent Relationships
Saying things that we do not mean only hurts us, because we then are living a lie. Be honest in your communication and in expressing your needs and desires. Catch yourself when you begin to think negatively. If you begin to think that you deserve to be treated badly, catch yourself and change your thoughts. Be positive and have higher expectations. It takes a lot of work for a codependent person not to take things personally, especially when in an intimate relationship.
Accepting the other as they are without trying to fix or change them is the first step. There is nothing wrong with taking a break from your partner. It is healthy to have friendships outside of your partnership. Going out with friends brings us back to our center, reminding us of who we really are. Get into counseling with your partner.
A counselor serves as an unbiased third party.