Learn how to rebuild your confidence after it takes a hit, using these authentic, well-researched techniques. All couples feel insecure about their relationships. how do you build breeds confidence, while fear and doubt threaten your self-esteem. Developing your sense of self-confidence in a relationship may be difficult if you have a low sense of self-esteem or have been hurt in previous relationships.
The entire process is both therapeutic and motivational.
How to Have Self-Confidence in a Relationship
But more important than how you heal is that you heal — that you allow yourself to authentically process your feelings, accept them, and forge ahead. Ignoring a blow to your confidence is just as dangerous as overindulging in self pity. Recognize the urge to either repress or sulk, which are really two different ways of avoiding action.
In fact, you can think of those two extremes as desirable forms of quitting! Like all good therapy, the goal here is to get back to the business of being you — to the process of building your confidence by checking in with yourself, staying in the game, reframing your setbacks, and remembering that beautiful paradox: I just want to be sure you learned the right lessons.
Do Your Relationships Damage Your Self-Esteem? (And what to do about it)
These setbacks can keep you on the sidelines, make you feel defeated, and brand you as a failure. Or you can choose to see these moments as an opportunity to learn, become better, and rebuild for the future. The rest of the story is what you choose to learn and do by seeing the situation differently. How you process those failures is up to you. Make It Difficult to Quit There are few things as immediately gratifying as quitting.
When you quit a difficult project or avoid taking a risk, a sense of relief replaces a sense of dread. You can remain the same. You get to enjoy a temporary refuge from the stress, anxiety, and frustration of confronting your limitations. But quitting has long-term consequences that can far outweigh the immediate rewards. It also keeps you stationary and stagnant, and denies you the satisfaction of progress, which is the currency of confidence.
The key is to stay in the game. That idea has kept some of the greatest artists and entrepreneurs alive and engaged with their work. So how do you make it difficult to quit, when quitting seems like the only attractive option?
One solution is to use a simple accountability system that discourages you from dropping out. Another accountability technique is to add stakes, like financial punishment, to your goals by using services like Stickk. On the positive side, you can have friends keep you accountable, so that anytime you quit your social network will know. Many find the combination of negative and positive reinforcement insurmountable. In fact, it takes intelligence and honesty to know when to move on from a project or change your goals.
Build Momentum with Small Wins Most of us think of confidence as an all-or-nothing proposition. We even talk about it that way: We say that someone has confidence or lost confidence. We rarely say that someone is nurturing or piecing together confidence.
The truth is that confidence is less like a switch you turn on and off, and more like something you build one brick at a time. My self control deteriorated quickly as I settled into my newfound freedom.
I was having a great time, except for one thing: I had barely scraped by my midterms. At this rate I was going to flunk out of my program and return home devastated. My confidence was shot. Things only got worse as final exams loomed. My procrastination was increasing, since I saw no point in studying. I could barely get up in time to go to class.
Realizing I needed help, my parents drove up to school and helped me created a schedule to guide my studying. I remember being skeptical. But I agreed to give it a try. After the first day, an inkling of hope. By the end of the second day, a breakthrough: I had gotten more studying done than I had the entire previous week. By complimenting her, Mick was actually demonstrating her own behaviour back to her.
Not by pointing it out to her she would have just arguedbut by letting her unavoidably see how different she was behaving toward him th an he was now being to her. I know it's more fun to blame than to stand back and look at your part.
And, after all, maybe you really don't have much of a part in all this. Perhaps your partner is naturally controlling, manipulative, and seeks to build themselves up by putting you down.
How Low Self-Esteem Affects Your Relationships | Everyday Health
That's possible; but it's always worth examining the way you've been relating to your partner as well as the reverse.
So let's go back to that. Does your partner possibly have a vested emotional interest in making you feel bad about yourself? This is a term for a man who purposefully and often secretly adds calories to his woman's diet in order to get and keep her fat - and, thus, keep her. Men may feel that whilst their girlfriends or wives are fat, they won't run off with another man because: Other men won't be attracted to them although, of course, some men do like fat women.
The woman will feel so lacking in confidence she'll count herself lucky to have any man him. Someone who constantly puts you down, tries to blunt your self -confidence, and dents your self-esteem may be consciously or, we must concede, even unconsciously trying to keep you attached to them by telling you such things as: If so, see this for what it is: Although actually, affairs are often not just about sex. Unless someone is a serial adulterer, they usually happen for a reason. Both men and women may 'stray ' if they find someone who gives them what they need but haven't been getting - just as plants and flowers will lean toward a source of sunlight or moisture when these requirements have been lacking.
Do Your Relationships Damage Your Self-Esteem? (And what to do about it)
What I am saying is, get a wider view of yourself. I asked Mick to list the three main criticisms his wife routinely levelled at him. He responded that he was fat, lazy, and un-ambitious. He really had come to believe this was an accurate description of who he was. I then got him to ask five trusted friends to comment honestly on how they saw him. They said things like: And another stated that Mick had built himself up over the years in his career and had showed tremendous perseverance and ambition.
These views were an absolute revelation to Mick, as he really had swallowed all the relationship brainwashing Spend time with friends and relatives who don't have a vested interest even if that interest is comprised of resentment in putting you down, but rather help make you feel better about yourself. This will serve to help balance your self-esteem. Just as Mick was shocked to learn that his friends didn't view him as an elephantine, blundering, slothful fool as his wife seemed toso too can some people really not know how obnoxious, dismissive, undermining, and self-esteem destroying they are being.
They may dismiss it as "only joking" or "you know I love you, really! Mick started to ask Louise why she had ever agreed to date him all those years ago. She used this as an excuse to compare how he was then to how he was now. He told her how his friends felt differently about him than she seemed to. She replied that they didn't really know him; she was the one who "had to suffer living with him. At that, she cried and, at last, started to make efforts of her own.