MU (Mutual Understanding) and Ambiguous Relationships
Mutual Understanding, "Just Talking," Prayer Partners, Waiting, Flirtationship. MUs are against the Biblical standard for relationships. A Practical and Biblical Understanding of Dating and Courtship There are no boundaries or ethics in this type of relationship. . feelings/the world's definition of love and the biblical definition of love which is based on action. If you have thoughts of doubt in a relationship does that mean you should leave? We all have emotions and the Bible speaks a lot about things such as love.
It is amazing that most churches and youth groups do not speak about this in their discipleship processes! Every pastor should have church guidelines that include boundaries for how their youth groups should be conducted. Every youth pastor should be trained on the difference between the worldly concept of dating and the biblical concept of courtship. Dating is revolutionized if the following guidelines are followed: Dating should only take place in the context of having an accompanying chaperone with young couples.
Or, only group dating should be encouraged. Groups can go to a movie or have an outing, or go for dinner so that two people can sit together and get to know one another in the safety of other trusted believers. Dating should not be encouraged for anyone under a certain age. I would say at least 18 although others would say Dating should not involve any physical contact. Even something as harmless as a hug can lead to petting, which will then lead to a sexual encounter.
Youth groups should be taught that believers should not to commit themselves to anyone God hasn't clearly indicated will eventually be their spouse. This is the only way to avoid soul ties through sexual intimacy. Also, parents, pastors, or trusted mature people should all be part of the process of discerning the will of God to counter the blindness that comes when feeling in love. Youth should be taught to have greater criteria beyond physically attraction. They should be taught what to look for in a lifelong partner: People should be taught to back off and not run to a person to whom they are attracted.
This is to give themselves enough time to pray, seek counsel, and hear from God about the other person before they fall hopelessly in love and reach the point where their heart has already made a choice to be with the other person—whether it be the will of God or not! Youth should make chastity vows before they enter high school.
With these vows they should pledge to their parents before God they will not give their bodies over unless they are married to the other person. Courtship Although the Bible does not lay out specifics regarding courtship, since some of the biblical marriages were arranged by families for example, the Old Testament patriarch Isaac and his wife Rebecca were brought together supernaturally by God with the order of Abrahamwhen we piece together all the principles of Scripture we have a good plan for courtship.
Courtship based on the biblical model of love, romance, sacrifice, dignity, and covenant implies the following about how two people could begin a process that may eventually lead to marriage: Pre-Courtship Stage A person should not even begin to look for a mate unless they are adequately prepared for the responsibilities of marriage and family, and are themselves emotionally healthy and spiritually mature When two emotionally needy people get together in marriage it is usually a disaster.
Go on group dates to get to know the other person or work with them in some meaningful innocuous way. This will enable the development of a deep friendship to help discern the will of God before beginning the process of committing to each other more formally.
Part of discerning the will of God is judging whether or not the other person meets the biblical criteria and qualifications of being a good mate, being able to raise children, and being a family leader. Attraction should never be only physical. Based on 1 Thessalonians 5: That is to say, a person needs to meet the criteria in each of these three areas. For example, it is a huge mistake to marry a person because they are strong spiritually when not attracted to them physically.
Or, it is a mistake to marry a person for their personality when their spiritual life is a mess, etc. Courtship Stage Two people who have confirmed it is the will of God for them to be together should begin a process of spending time together. They should make a covenant together before God involving strict guidelines for not having physical contact or being alone where they can fall into sexual sin, and walking in the light and having open communication with one another.
At some point, the man should formerly ask the woman's father, parent, or relevant guardian for permission to marry the woman before he officially proposes to her. Both families should get to know each other since marriage also unites two families, not just two people.
Money should be set aside during the engagement, and jobs and education should be already secured. This is so the focus of the first few years of marriage is on building the relationship rather than on the distractions that come from financial stress, education, and other things that can destroy a relationship.
Monies should be channeled for life together more than on the one-time wedding ceremony. If you don't have the money, be simple and modest with excellence on your wedding day.
The media claims to tell it like it is, but they do not. Every day untold thousands of people become infected with a sexually transmitted disease STD. You do not see it happening to them. Maybe no one on TV pays the price of illicit sex, but in real life you do. The Law of Harvest is sure. If you sow the seeds of immorality, you will reap bitter fruit. Like a lot of other young men, Joe tried to see how many girls he could seduce. In the process he contracted a sexually transmitted disease.
In time, he settled down and married a lovely young lady. This couple had a little son born to them—born blind, due to the disease of his father. Not long after this, his young wife died of the same cause.
Then, one night, in his terrible grief and guilt, this young man took his baby in his arms and drove to the graveyard. There, standing over the grave of his wife, he killed his son and took his own life. But taking precautions will not prevent the Law of Harvest from operating.
You will reap what you sow.
A Practical and Biblical Understanding of Dating and Courtship — Charisma Magazine
You may go for a long time and never get caught. There is no pregnancy, you do not get any disease, and no one discovers what you are doing. You will reap bitter fruit some day. The matter of sowing and reaping is not all negative. There is a positive side as well.
If you are one of those young people with enough courage to go against the crowd and keep yourself pure for marriage, you can look forward to a wonderful harvest.
A young girl named Julijanna chose to remain alone rather than accompany some of her friends to the parties where there was drinking and immorality. To her friends, it seemed that she was missing out on so many teenage pleasures. But she had her reward. Later, a friend wrote about her: She has a wonderful life and a beautiful man who loves her deeply.
She is happy down to her soul. Julijanna is eating the fruit of her obedient life. The Law of Harvest says that you will reap what you sow. Movies and TV promote The Big Lie that no one has to pay the price of illicit sex, but it is different in the real world. Why you should say No! It is definitely to your best interest to say no to sex before marriage.
By denying yourself some thrills now, you are providing for your brightest future. This is illustrated by the following story. Suppose you had a fabulously rich uncle who was very fond of you. When you were fourteen, he made you a wonderful promise.
Already your mind is working, thinking of all the things you are going to buy. But then your uncle makes you another promise. But I want to teach you to plan for your future, so I am making you another promise. Whatever you have left of that thousand dollars on your twenty-first birthday, I will give you that amount every month for the rest of your life. If you have the whole thousand dollars left, you will get a thousand dollars a month for the rest of your life.
It would definitely be to your advantage to deny yourself the pleasure of spending the thousand dollars in order to provide for the brightest possible future. That is the way it is with sex—you deny yourself some thrills now in order to provide for your brightest possible future.
How to say No! Sometimes a girl sends conflicting signals. You cannot be indecisive.
The Fruit of a Healthy Relationship
You should NEVER, under any circumstances, allow anyone to pressure you into doing something you do not want to do—something you know is wrong. A guy will try some things without necessarily expecting the girl to go along with it. This is the time for you to tell him plainly that you are not that type and you are disappointed that he would try such things. The word will get around that you are NOT that kind of girl.
This will undoubtedly cause some guys the wrong kind! At the same time, however, it may catch the attention of others the right kind! At times it may not seem so, but there are guys who appreciate a girl with high standards.
If you really love each other, sex is not necessary to fulfill your relationship. There are many ways to express love. Coming across the campus one evening was a couple very much in love.
Yet, even then, the couple did not find it necessary to add their too-obvious goodnight to all the others. In fact, it was evident that he had not missed anything really important. She had told him everything a boy wants to hear from a girl he cares about. She told him she enjoyed being with him, that she had had a wonderful time, and she liked him very much and in a very special way. Of course, this girl did not go around touching every fellow on the chin!
This gesture was important to him because it was just for him and it showed that he was special to her. Sometimes it may be necessary for a guy to instruct his girlfriend on the facts of togetherness. Girls have no idea how some things they do excite a guy sexually. Carlos and Anna were very fond of each other.
They had been going together steadily for some time, when Carlos found it necessary to talk things over with her.
- Lesson 6: The Five Laws of Guy-Girl Relationships (part 2)
- What is True Love?
- Charisma Magazine
He said something like this: But when you sit on my lap like this, my feelings become almost more than I can handle. It is very unwise to let the situation get out of hand.
To stop lovemaking when it is already advancing at a rapid rate is not easy, but it can be done. Many girls have found that quoting a Bible verse like John 3: Practical steps to saying No! Saying NO begins in the heart, but it must be lived out in your actions. Here are some practical steps that will help you carry out your decision: Write out your standards.
What you will and will not do. You need some unshakable, unbreakable rules—rules that you are not going to break for anyone. I will keep myself pure for the one I will marry.
M.U. – Mutual Understanding or Mutual Undervaluing – My Two Cents On…
I will not engage in petting. I will not go to parties where I know there will be drinking, drugs, and sex. A girl should be careful how she dresses. How many buttons do you leave unbuttoned on your blouse? Guys notice those kinds of things. You may be saying one thing with your lips and something else by the way you dress. Know what you will be doing.
When the planned part is over, let the date be over. Today many guys who go out with a girl more than once or twice expect her to have sex with him.
This is why you need to spell out your standards up front. If his standards do not agree with yours, it would be best not to date that person. Look to your future in saying No!